Turned on Me
by Kaiyaosha
Summary: They turned their backs on me. They all did. They loathed me. I guess it was only right for me to leave them instead of being a burden on them right? Self Harm, Suicide, Character Death, Cutting. Rated T for those reasons. Semi AU. very OOC.


Nations can't die I know, so that's why this is semi AU. Well not from self harm...

Disclaimer: Do not own Hetalia

Warnings: Self Harm, Cutting, Depression, possible character death, Insanity

Third Pov

He doesn't know what to do.

Every last one of them left him. Every single one of them. And he knows they all loathe him, even if they don't show it.

Tears can't fall. He has already cried one too many times.

His wrist is numb. Scars mark his wrist. And new cuts are being made.

He holds a small kitchen knife. It was small. But it was sharp. And good enough for him.

It was the only thing that gave him comfort, because he needs it.

When he sees them, or hears of them, he needs the knife.

Because in his heart he knows he deserves it.

The blood seeps through his fingers, he has a strange smile on his face.

He has gone insane. He knows it. But he accepts it.

He loved them so much, but they all left. He knew his dear, dear, Xiang didn't, he returned, but he never speaks with him anymore. Even energetic South Korea doesn't see him anymore.

And he hates himself for it. And he slashes his already bloodied wrist again.

He would never regret raising them, but sometimes, we wishes better people found them. Because they would do a better job than him, and they would like them, never, ever, leave them.

Right now he is hiding in a bathroom stall. At a world meeting in fact. In America.

When they wouldn't speak too him, it hurt. He is used to it, but maybe its the looks he was given today.

He is alone.

He remembers the bright smiles they gave him when they were new countries and nations, the smiles and laughter, where did those all go?

He knows its his fault they disappeared.

He remembers every back that was turned on him.

_We promise you we will stay together forever gege! _

He laughs, a laugh that was outright insanity.

No one noticed though. They never noticed when he declared that he needed a break and walked out just like that, because they were far too busy bickering and fighting over useless things.

They probably didn't even notice the panda that he didn't bring, or the usual basket that should have been on his back.

Sometimes after a depressing meeting, he would go home and hug Shinatty-Chan plushies until he feels better, or play with his panda and have soothing tea.

But eventually those didn't work. And then he saw a small knife, but then yelling at himself inside to never think of things like that.

But it was his best friend. And it never, ever left him.

He giggles quietly and hugs the blood stained knife to his chest.

He then gets up, because he had enough pain to last him awhile, but that didn't stop him from rubbing the cuts, making it hurt more.

He pockets the knife, then he leaves the building, to his car, and drives back to the airport, to his private airplane, where he isn't questioned as he is a nation, where he goes back home, where he can cut and cut, and cry, and laugh, and do whatever he wants free of worries.

He ignores looks that look at him wondering why he had blood on his clothes, but he ignored those, for people have seen stranger.

He wonders if he could suicide, would it work?

Because he knows his Nihon, Vietnam, Thailand, Xiang, Mei, and Im Yong Soo wouldn't care.

Maybe it would. If it was self inflicted, maybe it would. He has never tried, even though cutting could be considered it, they changed into scars fast, the cuts.

He wondered if anyone suspected what he was doing, after all, he noticed signifigant change in himself, but he liked it. It felt nice to be crying out in pain didn't it?

Years ago when his Nihon betrayed him, he felt so much pain, physically and emotionally, but it didn't feel nice then.

Now he would give nearly anything to accept it.

He hopes that a new personification would be born. After all the land was there, same as ever, but different personification, and as much heartbreak he felt for his citizens, he needed to do it.

He knows right now, disasters are occurring as he thinks, they have been for months now, ever since he started the cutting.

One slash, and mother earth unleashes one of her worst.

Another, and land floods.

Yet he doesn't care anymore. Shall he die and end all of this?

Yes should be the answer.

So he cuts deep inside his wrist, sliding the blade along.

And he does it over and over again, he keeps on doing it until the whole floor of his living room of his traditional house is covered in that deep deep crimson red blood. That beautiful scarlet blood as it falls through his fingers all drip towards the floor.

And he keeps going with a wide smile on his face, ignoring the wooziness from blood loss.

Soon he can't even recognize his wrist anymore, even as most cuts are healed. But he still smiles as he lays back on his couch with a content smile.

He falls asleep.

...

He wakes up to find himself on his couch. Frowning he looks around, until he sees the blood on the bamboo floor. He sees his wrist is already completely healed for the most part, aside from the ugly, ugly scars. He has only been sleeping for... he checks the clock. Two hours?

He hates how he keeps on healing, but the scars remain. He wants it all healed if its going to just be like that, so he can start all over again.

He also hates that he didn't die.

He needs a new method.

Then the first thing that comes to mind: Drugs and pills.

So he picks himself up, washes himself, changes into a new outfit then heads out with money and bag in hand.

He gets in his car and drives to the nearest pharmacy.

He gets out, and enters the small store.

He picks up three packets of the first deadly drug he can see when overdosed. Just in case.

Then purchases it, giving the cashier the excuse of " My friend who lost her family is really sick and needs these, and I am buying more just in case." .

He eats his last dumpling, his last meal, goes out to see everything once more. He returns his panda back to the wild.

Then he writes down with precise characters, to his old family. His siblings. Each say the same message.

_Sorry. Bye Bye._

_-Yao Wang, former Representative of the People's Republic of China_

He smiles at how perfect it is, every character formed with love. But maybe the _former_ part was kind of a giveaway. Well no matter. Whatever. And maybe the fact that he made it with his blood was a giveaway too. But the red looked so much more prettier.

He puts each in a envelope, and mails it to their homes.

Then he walks to his room with him, the bag full of pills. 

He sits on his bed and carefully unscrews the lids of the three bottles. Then grabbing half of those deadly pills, he swallows it whole, before washing it down with tea.

The pain. It feels like his head is being split in half, his body shuddering although he barely recognizes it. He smiles inwardly though.

Only time before he enters a new world.

The People's Republic of China was dead.

...

America groaned. He needed to ask China for more money. England was currently yelling at him about how he needs to stop asking him for for money, when he remembered that. So he scanned the room for China, but he couldn't find the feminine country anywhere. Normally he was easy to spot with his panda in his basket but right now he couldn't see him anywhere.

So he turned to England who was currently yelling at France when he interrupted them.

" Do you know where China went?"

Then he too, scanned the room, but couldn't find him.

" I need to get more money, but where is he?"

" You Bloody git, heroes don't ask for money all the time."

" Yeah well I'm a hero, and I don't ask for money that much. Besides I treat him to hamburgers all the time! Shouldn't that be enough?"

" Bloody Git." England swore under his breath.

Then England asked Germany who had his head in his hands.

"SILENCE! Now does anyone know where China is?!"

Everyone looked around. Even the Asian countries under curiosity. They saw him leave but he never came back.

" Where the hell is China?"

No one knew.

" Great, now we need to look for him."

" maybe he left to the bathroom for a moment, even though that is supposed to occur during break?"

" Good point. Will someone check please?"

" I WILL BECAUSE I'M THE HERO!"

" Oh you bloody git just go check and come back."

So America headed there at top speed. Because Heros never kept people waiting.

He flung open the door, but what he saw wasn't exactly what he expected.

There, on the floor, was blood. His eyes widened.

" China? China bro ya hear me? The hero is here to save you! China?"

He couldn't find him anywhere so he ran back to the meeting room where everyone was waiting expectantly.

" I couldn't exactly... find him... but I found blood..."

That really got everyone's attention.

Then Germany demanded for America to show him, and a couple of other nations tagged along.

While they were walking there, all of a sudden their hearts hurt and they couldn't breathe for a few moments, and everyone gasped in pain.

Then it stopped.

" I think... that a nation just died..."

...

The same thing happened in the meeting room. Taiwan was semi worriedly glancing around but overall okay. But she was still worried.

Then a pain in her chest rose and she gasped as other countries began to cluch their hearts, panting.

...

They found notes when they returned home worriedly. Letters.

And it didn't take a genius to figure out what happened.

And they hated themselves for it. Just Like China did.

...End

Inexperienced and everything. So please do forgive me if it dragged on a little.


End file.
